I had planned to keep this thing entirely tech and interesting stuff only, however, right now, I could use some place to vent, and this seems as good a place as any.

Being single has its charms; no, really, it does.  Singledom goes very nicely with being a social outcast; I control my own schedule outside of work hours, and am free to play computer games and generally be geeky.  There is a limit to these charms, however.  It’s been two years since I last heard the words ‘I love you’ uttered by someone other than a very close friend or a family member, two years since I gazed into the eyes of someone I loved while laying together, two years since experiencing those crazy little moments that pass so quickly, where life seems so perfect, two years feeling alone in the world.

Call me crazy (it’s okay, you can, I really am insane. The doctor said so.), but I hate experiencing things on my own; going to museums, walking in parks, going to the beach, going out for a meal… in my eyes, these are all things couples do, so I don’t do them.  Partly to avoid seeing people in love - it’s not jealousy, just acceptance of the truth -, and because it all seems so gray.  I love discussion, so experiencing things, and not being able to talk about them, hear what someone else thought, seems pointless.

I’d love to be social… be one of those people who can walk into a room full of strangers and immediately start talking to them, making new friends, getting dates; that’s not me though.  I’m the quiet one who sits and watches everyone interact, wondering why I find it so hard,  I’m the one who leaves after 10 minutes because I feel overwhelmed, I’m the one who browses the missed connections… hoping.

It’s funny how far you can fall in two years.

Life is funny that way.